My today...

Today is the only day you get...

I went out early this morning to walk my dogs. I absolutely love Sunday early morning walks. The road was empty, it felt like I had the village to myself, bliss. 

I walked in to the fields down the footpath, I spent some time kicking hawthorn hedge clippings off the path. Then headed down the path. 

I passed a beautiful fluorescent blue flower in wheat field, sitting there all alone. 

The birds were lively today, rooks squawking, sea gulls wailing, sparrows competing with black birds and skylarks flying up from the path in to the air in protest as we walked by. It's was cooler today, and it was as if the birds were gathering and commenting on the weather. I looked up as I heard a flock of geese pass overhead. Little rabbits ran off the path in terror as my dogs approached fast! 

I repeated this walk with my guest dog, as I now have a job looking after dogs. She took great delight in plunging into the stream by the path and sent up a large heron that had been hiding there.  

As I was walking back I thought to myself, this is my life, I have always had that feeling that my life was a future thing, but today is the day, the only day I have right now, it's not grand or particularly glamorous, as I started the day cleaning toilets and picking up dog poo.

 So I have made up my mind to enjoy each today. Try and notice the beauty, laugh at the small things and not be so stressed about things. 

Who am I?

Happy New Year :)

Feeling sorry for myself today, but silly christmas movies are cheering me up.

This year is going to be good. I am determined to recognise what I already have so I don't miss anything this year. While I am not feeling too well the last few days I have spent the time day dreaming and planning in my head. Some might call it nest building, I guess they would be right, but its my way of not getting bored when my body wants a few days off.  I found a fun website to make mood boards and try and identify what it is I like.

A few years ago when I moved house for the first time in ages I realised I didn't know what I liked or wanted in a home or house. As a child I was always very happy to go with the status quo, just follow others lead and keep them happy. There is nothing wrong with this but it mean't I really didn't have a clue who I was....if given a clean slate today and freedom to choose, what would I do with it?

I have spent a while pondering on this. Who am I? What do I like? I have always found it hard making decisions when faced with a choice. I think because I never really thought about what I want. I think my christian up bringing is partly to do with this, where conformity was almost seen as a requirement.... but recently I have started to discover that my faith is about complete acceptance with out conformity, with out any requirements...scary thought to someone who's life has always been to conform....I can feel many voices from my past inhaling with shock at this outrageous thought.

Think about it though, when do you feel most loved by others? When they completely accept you warts and all..when they don't say "I will accept you when you change this bit or that of your life". How can I truly accept and love those around me, if I don't know that love myself?

So this year... I am going let those around me to be different, and dare to be myself...